Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Twilight's Last Glare


I have noticed an unfortunate trend in the battle of the sexes lately. Women, who, in time, learn to live a complacent life with their lazy, unaware husbands/boyfriends have learned that apparently they are living with non-romantic slobs. They have found the object of their affection in a fictional character. Women have been doing this throughout time; Romeo, Fabio, Mr. Darcy, and now Edward. Edward is the vampire who has all the right moves in the Twilight series of books and forthcoming films. Women of all ages, from 12 to married 42 year olds have been swooned by "the perfect man." Keep in mind that he is like 118 and the girl in the book is 16. Hmmm... I'm pretty sure pedophilia is illegal even if you're immortal. The main draw for women is the passion that Edward feels for Bella. First he wants to kill her, then he wants to love her. Let's not forget that he watches her sleep. Is that romantic? Last time I did that I was arrested and spent a week in jail. I can see how women love that Edward is always thinking of Bella and caresses her face and whispers sweet nothings in the meadow. I got news for ya ladies, you're gonna have to take a trip to transylvania for that kind of guy. 
Every girl who I have talked to who has read the book (all girls), have told me that while they were reading the books they hated their husbands because Edward made them see just how they want to be treated. I would not be surprised if Twilight is reported to be the main cause of divorce next year, beating out financial problems. Now if you'll excuse me I am gluing crystals onto my face so I can walk out in the sun and the women will desire me as they do Edward...or at least Fabio.

5 comments:

The Hypocritical One said...

I agree 100%, and thought it was very funny.....and then I realized that you knew way more about the book then Amazon.com would have told you--which only means one thing: You've read it??

Dan da Man said...

you have very cool views i am adding you to my blog list if you dont mind




http://alwayslistentome.blogspot.com/

Kara said...

I believe we started off on the wrong foot. Your Edward blog was very funny; you've won back the title of "funniest" blogger in my book.....tee hee, I do have to agree with the hypocritical one here, though: You've read the books?

Kara said...

P.S. Did Seth tell you? We got a Wii.

The Nemesing One said...

For my daughter's sake (she's 15) I read book 1 and 2 and I'm agonizing through 3. Edward is a freak. He won't let her out of his site. He watches her while she's asleep. When he leaves town (to go slaughter and eat raw animals) he has his sister spy on Bella. This guy is so creepy it defies logic. I can do creepy, if that is really what the girls dig nowadays.