Thursday, August 14, 2008

Give Pizza Chance...

The world is changing. And not necessarily for the better. I don't like to complain about gas prices because it is useless to complain about things you have no control of, but the other day I was filling up my $50 plus gas tank, and the song playing on the gas station radio was Shania Twain's "Up." I kid you not. The lyrics mocked me. The song goes, "up, up, up, it only goes up from here!" Unbelievable!
So, with the world going to pot with a bad economy, rising milk prices, rising big gulp prices, etc. The one true constant in the world is...Little Caesars Pizza. For 5 dollars, you can receive a semi-fresh(by semi-fresh I mean sitting under a bug zapper for 8 1/2 hours) cheese or pepperoni pizza. What a deal!
Now I am one of the few who stands in defense of Little Caesars pizza. The opponents cry out that "it tastes like cardboard." To them I first ask how exactly they know that. Secondly, personally I would pay five dollars for a round slice of cardboard as long as it was coated with delicious marinara and pepperoni. I mean, come on people! It is a balanced, 10 slice meal for 5 bucks! A word to the wise, when ordering your pizza make friends with the cashier. Smile as you walk up to the counter, but not too much, you don't want to creep them out. Then make a subtle jab at the person who ordered in front of you and how they wanted the freshest 4 hour old pizza and how they ordered hot wings. (In the history of man, 7 people have ordered hot wings at Little Caesars, none were satisfied) They only keep up the rest of the menu to make it look like they offer a grand selection. Truth be told, they only make cheese and pepperoni pizza, and bacon pizza if you're nice to them. Oh, and let's not forget the manna from seventh heaven, Crazy Bread. Beautiful stuff. I could never do the dearly departed Atkins diet because of my healthy doses of crazy bread. If there was a diet that consisted of only eating crazy bread I would do it in a second. I can't wait for the Fatkins diet. I digress, if you're nice to the cashier, you will get the pizza that isn't covered in Acne Juice and won't get the crazy bread that has been dropped and rolled on the ground. You can't taste the difference if you do get those, but it's worth it to believe that you received unspoiled goods.
So once again I state that in this world of uncertainty where inflation is merciless and prices for everything go up by the day, it is helpful to retreat to something that hasn't gone up in price for a decade and won't for another decade. Let's just hope that pepperoni pizza hasn't been under the zapper for a decade.


Dan da Man said...

Ill just stick to my usal waiting outside the pizza place and then i may or may not rob the people if they have a good smelling pizza

The Hypocritical One said...

I remember (in ancient times) when my buddy Crow and I use to get 2 mediums and 2 crazy bread for 5.99. That was just the beginning of my gluttony.