Monday, March 1, 2010

Big Trouble in Little Chinese Restaurant

Ok, so here's the situation. I recently got a job with Dex marketing. Long story short, they shipped me up near Seattle for a month to get training. I know, pretty intense right? I don't think they trained chimpanzees this long when they were being sent to the moon... Yes I did just equate myself with a chimpanzee. Anyways, I'm in a training class of about 30 people. I would say that about 80% of my classmates drink. I can't really blame them because it sounds like a good way to blow off steam after a full 40 hour week of sitting in one chair getting lectured about HR policy. Oh, I've been tempted. But as a non-drinker I must find other ways to let loose. These usually consist of bowling(on the wii), driving fast, or telling off-color jokes. But the way I let off steam last weekend was by doing everyone's favorite white trash past-time....Karaoke!

Our story begins one night at a chinese restaurant called Maple Leaf. After 9:30 they open up the bar/karaoke stage. A group of us Dex employees showed up fashionably early at 9:20 just so we could pick our songs and show off to each other. Now, I wouldn't necessarily say I have a great voice (even though I was in concert choir in high school) but I do enjoy making a fool out of myself. I chose my two songs and nervously waited for my time in the spotlight.

A few people from our group sang first to a crowd of drunks. One member from my class who is very, very white (though nothing compared to my translucense) sang a classic entitled "Nothin but a G Thang." You've gotta appreciate the classics. He did a pretty good job and we all applauded, but out of the corner of my eye I noticed a scary mexican dude giving us the death eye from the other side of the bar. Thanks pal, I'm flattered but spoken for.

Then I got up to sing. My song was Starlight by Muse. I rocked my heart out. My cracking false setto reaffirmed that I should stick to singing in the shower. After the applause I decided to visit the lavatory. On the way to the bathroom the scary mexican dude grabbed my arm and spun me around. "Hey! Hey! That's offensive!" (I was worried he was gonna ask for money... ha!) Honestly I was taken aback as he kept saying "Don't you think that's offensive? Singin' those things?! I'm from L.A. and that's offensive and I'm gonna do something about it!" I really enjoy my face so I quickly said "Hey buddy, I think you have me mistaken me for someone else...I sang a song called starlight...(please don't kill me)" His girlfriend assured him that I wasn't the guy he was looking for and I peed a little before I got to the bathroom (not true).

In the bathroom I told a friend of mine to cool it with the rap. (I broke the cardinal rule of not talking in the bathroom) I told him the story and just my luck, some guy in the stall was a friend of the mexican. He told us that he was always looking for a fight and not to look at him the wrong way. I told him I didn't plan on getting beat up tonight so I'll let everyone know.

I tell everyone else in my group when I got back and they couldn't believe it. After a while I sang again. This time I sang Rufus Wainwright's version of "Hallelujah." Apparently while I was singing, a female classmate of mine got the mexican and his friends kicked out of the bar. Apparently they had previously been kicked out of every bar and club in town. They started threatening this girl and the waitress and they finally left swearing and threatening us, telling us they would wait outside, as me and 3 other guys from my class were singing "Bye, Bye, Bye." Yes, you heard right. Inadvertantly we were bye, bye, bye (with dance moves and all) as a group of villains were kicked out, threatening our lives.

The waitress said when we wanted to leave she would call us a cab and have a cop escort us out. We left about a half hour later and didn't get a cop. But fortunately didn't need one. Suffice it to say that I'm still in one piece but who knew that going to a Karaoke bar in a chinese restaurant could prove so dangerous?


Nouvelle-Orleans Pharaoh said...

Hilarious to say the least! When you describe yourself as white and your workmates as very white you make feel REALLY brown like mexican brown minus the mexican part.
I love Kareoke and Muse esp. Starlight all good choices and not just for drunko's (they usually add to the entertainment). Keep safe, prayer's are good in sticky situations even in elevators.

Katie said...

That is hilarious! Are you still up there? I meant to tell you some good places to eat, but it looks like you're having no problem finding adventure. Here are some of my favorite places up there: Cafe Veloce (in Kirkland) it has the best pasta...the Quattro Formaggi is the best! Prices are about the same as Olive Garden, Brown Bag Cafe (in Kirkland and Redmond) has the best breakfast ever, Ruzhen Mongolian Grill (in Seattle) awesome Mongolian you get to make your bowl with however much and whatever you want then they cook it, there Mongolian house sauce is the best, Then any teriyaki place up there which there is a ton, my favorite is Happy Teriyaki which is in Bellevue. Thanks for the laugh!

Amy said...

Im laughing out loud to myself right now. What a great story. I swear that only happens in movies. I especially love the part about you peeing your pants. Be honest, you did pee a little didnt you?
p.s thanks for mentioning this blog on face book, Is it okay with you if I check back frequently?
Amy Green

Tate-Family-Fun said...

This would only happen to you. I swear that when we hung out all the time back in the days that I always had a story to tell the fam. I can't stop shaking my head and laughing. Kent, Kent, Kent! hahaha! Good luck with the job!

Sarah said...

I would have peed my pants too (it's okay, you can admit that it really happened) if some big guy threatened to fight me while I was headed to the restroom at a Chinese restaurant.